What Are the Best Books for Teaching Kids About Gender?

Picture books give kids a simple way into big ideas about gender. A story about a crayon, a teddy bear or a boy who loves mermaids lets your child think about being yourself without a lecture. Below are five well-reviewed picture books, with age bands, what happens in each, and questions you can ask as you read.

Quick answer: five picture books about gender

Why picture books work for this topic

Young children learn through stories and pictures. A character gives them something concrete to react to, so the talk starts from the book, not from a rule.

Some of these books use a metaphor, like a mislabeled crayon. Others tell a direct story about a child. You can pick the style that fits your child and your family.

Read the book yourself first. That way you know what is coming and can think about the questions your child may ask.

The five books, one by one

Introducing Teddy (ages 3–6)

By Jessica Walton, illustrated by Dougal MacPherson (Bloomsbury, 2016). Errol and his teddy, Thomas, are best friends who ride bikes, garden and have tea parties together.

One day Thomas tells Errol that she is a girl teddy and wants to be called Tilly. Errol's answer is simple: what matters is that they are friends. With their friend Ava, they go on playing as before. Kirkus lists it for ages 3 to 6.

They She He Me: Free to Be! (ages 3+)

By Maya Christina Gonzalez and Matthew SG (Reflection Press, 2017). The book shows 47 different children and the pronouns they use, including they.

It is a good first book about pronouns. The back matter gives grown-ups notes on how to talk about pronouns with kids. The publisher lists it for ages 3 and up.

Red: A Crayon's Story (ages 4–8)

Written and illustrated by Michael Hall (Greenwillow Books, 2015). Red is a blue crayon with a red label. His teacher, his mother and even the scissors try to help him be red, but he can't.

Then a new friend offers a new point of view, and Red discovers he is blue. The story is about labels and being true to who you are, and it can be read on several levels. Michael Hall's site has more about the book.

Julián Is a Mermaid (ages 4–8)

Written and illustrated by Jessica Love (Candlewick Press, 2018). On the subway with his abuela, Julián sees three women dressed as mermaids. At home he makes his own mermaid costume from things around the house.

His abuela seems stern at first. Then she gives him a pearl necklace and takes him to a mermaid parade. The book won the 2019 Stonewall Book Award for children's and young adult literature.

I Am Jazz (ages 4–8)

By Jessica Herthel and Jazz Jennings, illustrated by Shelagh McNicholas (Dial Books, 2014). It is based on Jazz Jennings' own childhood.

Jazz was assigned male at birth, but from age two she knew she was a girl. She loves pink and dressing up as a mermaid. The book shows how her family came to understand that she is transgender. The publisher lists it for ages 4 to 8.

How to talk about the books with your child

You don't need a script. Read the story, then follow your child's lead.

• Start with feelings. Ask how the main character felt at the start and at the end.
• Keep questions open. "What did you notice?" works better than "Did you like it?"
• Answer simply. Short, honest answers are enough. You can say "I don't know, let's find out" when you are unsure.
• Come back to it. Kids often ask a question days later. That is normal.

Questions to ask while you read

• "How do you think Julián felt when he saw the mermaids on the subway?"
• "Why couldn't Red draw red things, no matter how hard he tried?"
• "What did Errol say when Thomas said she wanted to be called Tilly?"
• "Which pronoun would you like people to use for you?"

Activities after reading

• Draw a picture of a character who is happy being themselves.
• Act out a favorite scene with toys or stuffed animals.
• Make up a new page for the story and tell it out loud.

How to choose the right book for your child

For ages 3 to 5, start with Introducing Teddy or They She He Me: Free to Be!. Both are short and use a friendly, simple approach.

For ages 4 to 8, Red: A Crayon's Story and Julián Is a Mermaid lead to good talks about labels and self-expression. I Am Jazz works well when your child is ready for a true story about a real child.

Your local library is a good place to try several before you buy. For more ideas, see our guide to finding empathetic children's books and our list of read-aloud books for kids.